Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Words of a Waitress


As most of you may know, I am currently a server at a seafood restaurant out in Hilliard, and I have been for 3 years now. I think I am the worst person for the job, only because I am not a people person in any way, yet my job involves me working with people all day. If I could think of a perfect comparison of myself to a character that people would know, I would say I am like Naomi from waiting. I sit in the back yelling and carrying on about my horrible customers, then walk around the corner with the biggest smile you have ever seen; completely fake, yet so amazing. haha.

In my time I have spent at St. Suck(my name for it) I have been annoyed by many things that customers do. Here are a few.

1. When people pronounce menu items the wrong way. Example: I-talian dressing, with emphasis on the "I". Saying Mowee instead of Mahi, which is written how it is supposed to be pronounced. Or saying Ala cartay instead of ala carte, because you are too low class to say things properly.
2. When people ask for ridiculous things. Example: One time I had a man ask me if I would get him a bowl of croutons with only the dark brown ones in the bowl. I have also had a man ask me to bring him his steak already cut up for him.
3. When people ask for lite ranch dressing. It is still made with mayonnaise, you are a moron! If you want to lose wait that badly, eat a vinegar based dressing!
4. When an obviously obese person asks for an All you can eat portion of fried food, with fries and a baked potato(two carbs) with extra butter and sour cream, and a huge bowl of extra ranch to dip everything in. I will not pick you off the floor when you go into cardiac arrest. You are fat for a reason.
5. When people openly show the reason that they aren't fit to be parents yet, or at all. Example: When you let your brats run around all over the restaurant or run in front of every waitress, so you have to dodge them; will I get in trouble when your little brat gets hot coffee spilled all over him when he's skipping through the restaurant?! How about when you let your one year old feed their self, and fling and spill food all over the floor, then you leave the mess and don't even tip me well to make up for it. I ought to start setting brooms and dustpans by your table so you can clean up after your own self.
6. Stupid people who ask stupid questions. Example: "How much is the All you can eat? Oh...well can me and my wife split it?" WHAT? or "How many shrimp come on the 30 piece" or a new one I heard the other day, "do you guys have soda water?" We are in Hilliard, at a 2 star restaurant you spoiled tool! "can I get diet coke and regular coke mixed together?" and that is going to do what for you?
7. When people think tipping poorly is ok. Example: When I get two dollars left in a brochure inviting me to your church. Yes, that makes people really want to attend your church. Ha. Or when someone says you're an awesome waitress, and personally takes the time to put the money in your hand...and it's a dollar. Yah, I would want to run away before the server saw that too...how embarrassing that you can't afford a tip. Or how about when I wait on a large table who leaves me a 5 dollar bill! ridiculous!!! How about this? If you can't afford to leave a tip, go eat off of the dollar menu!
Yes, I am in a ranting mood today. Those are just a few things I thought I would share. Enjoy. lol

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