Tuesday, April 3, 2012
I'm not sure why this is on my mind so much lately, but it is. I think a lot about my situation. By that, I of course mean motherhood. I think of how I felt when I found out about this little thing growing inside of me. I think of how I felt the first time I told anyone. The first time I felt her move. The first scary thought I had or worry. Then I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on her. She was absolutely beautiful, and she was all mine. I think about how I never in a million years wanted to be a mother. Not to sound terrible, I just never thought I was the type. I wasn't one of "those girls" who dreamed of babies since puberty. But it did happen to me. And now, she's all I ever think about. How can someone become so important to you, without even having to try? I really couldn't comprehend it until I had Ava, but the motherly instinct is so real; so overwhelming. I think about how much I love spending every moment I have with her, how amazing it is to see how much she changes each and every day. It's incredible. But what happens next? What happens when she outgrows me? It will happen. She will have friends, and need her space...and I will be left in the lurch. It's official. I have become the crazy needy mom, and my daughter isn't even anywhere near old enough to comprehend her mother's insanity. Poor baby doesn't even know what's coming for her. lol. Man I need to start hanging out with adults again! lol. Is it too much to ask to be someone she will actually want to hang out with? Yes, I am striving to be the "cool mom"...good luck with that, right?
Ok, psychotic episode over.